What Men and Women want in their marriage?

You must be thinking, as a woman, I should only speak for myself or for the WOMEN, but having spoken to a lot of couples over these years and their romance journey from Day 1 where they are ‘madly in love’ to a few years down where they are ‘mad at each other’.  I have set my mind on these few 5 pointers that should really be every couple’s Bible for a 5-star relationship.

Note: This post is not about being romantic, we have had enough of that!

It is a really old school thing to say and admit that men are Bad at Romance and that they are supposed to be strong, calloused and emotionless. It is not impossible to rewire your personality for the sake of saving a marriage. If you have boys, bring them up with a de facto mindset that this is how you treat a woman and keep her. If you have girls, you are showing them what to expect from a Man. Before I begin, all those men need to come out now if they think it is OK to be unromantic.

So, the 5 Stars:

1. Both want to feel WANTED, not NEEDED.

Men and Women both love to see and feel that their partners need them but not to a point that it becomes complete reliance which eventually feels smothering. Both partners want their other half to be fiercely independent, have their own goals and desires. If you are a stay at home mum or Dad, you don’t go past this stage. It applies to you too. Being fiercely independent means making sure you are handling all the tasks in your territory efficiently like a pro. Having own goals mean you are determined to go through all the obstacles in life just to make your life and your partner’s life comfortable in the house. You want to make sure your house is tidy, your kids are well behaved, you are addressing issues straight away and you are making an effort to make your and your partner’s life easy. Everybody wants a partner who knows how to accomplish their goals but needs their partner to be a part of it because they love them so much. No one NEEDS a partner. You don’t die without one, but you WANT them to be with you and see you through BECAUSE you love them.

2. Both want to be taken care of

Who said that only women are needy and always seeking for attention?  Even Men want it all the time. They love it when their partner is in tune with them enough to know when they have had a bad day, when they want to be heard and when they want to be loved. It is an amazing feeling when your partner senses something that you have not said. It is also important to reason when they need to be left alone. You know what makes the bond special- This feeling…when your partner can hear the unsaid words. Deep listening.

3. Both want to feel safe

Not exactly in a physical sense. When marriage happens, it can bring out the best and the worst in you. It challenges people in a way they never thought possible. You discover shortcomings in each other soon after marriage. You love this person and you have to live with these shortcomings all your life, you have made up your mind. You must adopt a much nicer approach to this without criticising and be slashing your partner down. The worst feeling is when you are told you are good for nothing. The constant nag and the determined stubbornness will drive your partner away instead of strengthening the bond. Surely, if you love your partner, you will try to put it as nicely you can. It should be your duty to be patient when your partner is challenged by their shortcomings. Support your partners in their challenges. In the long run, it will all be worth it. A Man will always respect a woman who stands by him and trusts him when faced with a challenge. A woman loves a man endlessly if he gives the same respect back. Let each other feel safe with their shortcomings and work towards common goals by overcoming their fears.
4. Friendship is as important as love

Learn to be a friend if you are not already one. Ask yourself these questions if you think you are a good friend:

  1. Do you listen to your partner when he is upset or blows your own horn about the miseries of your day?
  2. Do you calm each other down and feel relaxed in their company or are you always on a mission to correct your partner and making sure everything works out for you, even if it is inconvenient for the other?
  3. Do you both have the capacity to comfortably ‘hang out’ with each other without worrying about what will the other say or feel?

The reason why this is so important is because as your marriage will move from this thrilling heart-thumping passion to a less romantic companionship, what is there that will keep you going and keep you together?

The answer should never be Kids, it should be Friendship. That special bond that you shared all these years.

5.  Don’t be a Dead Duck-Talk to each other

There is nothing more toxic in a relationship than assumptions.

A good communication on a daily basis helps calm down those waters of arguments in a more mature and sweet way. They discuss their kids and utility bills. They do not stop there. They also discuss hope, fears, anxiety and sorrows. Arguments when communicating with your partner must never end bitterly. They should just be disagreements; A sensible partner will calm down and retry some other time instead of insisting the other to give in. Just because you are married does not mean you both must have the same view point.

5. Forgive
Relationships always reveal weaknesses quicker than anything else on earth. If no one is perfect then this means that we must all forgive people and give them another chance. Be humble in accepting your own faults and stop expecting perfection from your partner. So many problems will be solved if only, for once, you realise that you are married to a human. It is normal to make mistakes. You must never bring up past errors in an effort to hold the other hostage. Please do not hold on to a past hurt from your partner. If you forgive, it will set your heart and relationship free.

About The Author

mm

A Science Teacher in a Mainstream School in the U.K | MCA | B.Sc (Physics) | PGCE (QTS) |A Writer and Blogger

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